Category: Personal Stuff

My New York Trip Day #1: Travelling

DSCN1937[1]So Sunday was officially the start of my New York trip.  I left in the late afternoon for Edmonton International Airport and then caught my overnight flight to Toronto (pictured above).  The trip was exhausting because I was in the middle seat and thus couldn’t sleep because my head lolls to the side automatically.  I must admit I was also a little too excited to sleep properly.

That was all I did on Sunday!  My Monday update will be a little more exciting.

I Get Drained by Social Interactions

The other night I had to go to a big social event in town where I was expected to give a little speech.  That’s not really a big deal for me anymore.  It was only in front of a couple hundred people and it’s not like I haven’t been on stage before because of my past dance performances.  Really, that’s not what exhausts me or stresses me out.

What does utterly exhaust me is social interaction.  When I’m with a few close friends I get energized but put me out into the public and expect me to talk to random people?  It’s exhausting, especially when you’re at an event where a lot of people are focusing on you in particular.  And want to talk to you in particular.  (Which is definitely different from group dance performances like I took part in.)

Really, it feels like you’re being put on parade and it just utterly drains me emotionally, physically and mentally.  After about 5 or so hours I just get utterly exhausted and have to push through to the end.  The event can be enjoyable or not, it doesn’t really make a difference, but what always stays the same is the exhaustion.  I can be having the time of my life and just go, “I really think I need a break”.  Or I can be totally miserable and say the same thing.

Does anyone else here have this problem?  I don’t really get anxious about social interaction because I can go through all of the necessary forms just fine but it does exhaust me.

I Need Your Help with an Ethical Dilemma!

When I started this blog I never even imagined I’d have the opportunity to make money from it.  Get some free books, yes.  But actual money?  Not in a million years.  Even now, three years later, I never really thought I’d have that opportunity.  Except now I do.

Yesterday I received an email from Penny Sansevieri of Author Marketing Experts, Inc.  She gave me a pretty good offer that was essentially this:

  1. If you become a reviewer for us, you can receive free swag OR
  2. You can directly get $20 per review, positive or negative.

I thought this sounded a little fishy so I did about two hours of research on Sansevieri and the history of the company.  As far as I can tell, it all seems legitimate and I think the offer is a valid one.  It seems more than fair to me to either get swag or money for doing a review, positive or negative.  But will the company stick to the ‘money for a review positive or negative’ or will there be pressure to only write positive reviews?  If I were to accept the offer and take the money for reviews I would be my usual brutally honest self.  If I received undue pressure to only write positive reviews, I would walk away rather than compromising my principles as a book reviewer.

My main concern lies with you guys, my readers.  Without going too much into my financial situation, essentially in the next half of this year my expenses are going up and my income is going down for a bit after my move to the city.  I need a little more incentive to keep going with my blog and having a little bit of positive cash flow would be nice so I don’t keep spending my own money on giveaways.  If I were to take the offer I would likely just sink the money back into The Mad Reviewer so that maybe I could finally afford to get my own domain name and move off the free WordPress site where the threat of arbitrary suspension constantly hangs over my head.  And if I had any extra cash it would also go to more giveaways.  So essentially it would make my blog a net neutral in terms of cash flow.

However, the trust of my readers will always be my number one priority.  Even if I disclose when I am being paid for a review, you guys may not be comfortable knowing the fact I was paid.  After writing 650+ reviews over three years I believe that the money will not influence me but if you guys are uncomfortable with that I will not take the offer.  Honesty is always my priority and I do want to hear from you guys.

So:

1.  Would I be compromising my integrity by accepting money in exchange for my usual honest reviews?  (As a side note, my own personal submissions will always remain free of charge.)

2.  Are you comfortable with the fact that I might be paid for reviews?  (Note: I will always disclose whether or not I was paid, as has been my policy from the beginning regarding where I get my books from.)

Please let me know in the comments section.  Or, if you’re not comfortable with that, feel free to drop me an email directly or go to my Contact page.  I really do want your input and feedback, positive or negative.  It will certainly help me decide whether or not to accept the offer.

Spring Cleaning

One of the things I’ve struggled with since I was little is cleaning.  I admit it: at home I’m a natural slob.  So yesterday and today when I sensed a cleaning urge coming on I dropped everything and started my spring cleaning.  It’s not often that I feel like cleaning so I figured I better do it before my place starts to look like a hoarder moved in.  So I haven’t exactly had much time to read, therefore there was no review on Monday.  However, I’m hoping to finish things up later today and get back on my usual posting schedule.

At work we’ve been doing spring cleaning of a sort as well, mainly re-doing all of the tags in the store to reflect new prices and manufacturers.  It’s a pain in the butt yet it definitely needs to be done before the tourist inundation starts around the end of May.

So I’ve been cleaning both at work and at home.  Do you guys do spring cleaning of a sort?  Are you naturally a slob like me?  How has your day been going?

Lazy Sundays: Small Kindnesses Make a Big Difference

One of the things I think we don’t emphasize enough as a society is the importance of being kind to everyone.  This was drilled into me not only by my parents but by a very important role model in my life who practiced what he preached.  And I don’t think it’s said enough: everyday acts of kindness are important.  So I’m going to share my story with you.

 

I have had body image issues since I hit puberty at nine years old.  I was made fun of by all of my classmates not only for my intelligence but also for my body and more than anything else, the bullying over my looks stuck to me more than anything else.  It has dogged me my entire life.  Fast forward to two years ago when I had to find a dress to go to the opera.

Shopping is stressful enough for me as it is but because of the limited shopping in my area there were very few dresses to be found.  I had gone to four different shops and was on the fifth shop, frustrated at trying on dozens of dresses and having those horrible memories of my bullying resurface over a decade later.  I was in the changing room in this fifth shop trying on yet another dress and wanting to break down into tears because I felt like I was twelve years old again and being criticized for not having C-cup breasts.  I was taken back to when I was fifteen and didn’t want to go to the beach anymore because everyone in my class laughed at my ‘thunder thighs’.  And I was reliving every single romantic rejection over and over again.

But I had to find a dress.

The worst part about the whole thing was that there was no mirror in my changing stall.  I had to get out of the stall, face the other women trying on clothes and walk all the way to the end of the hall which was really only about 10 feet long but felt like a mile at the time.  So I started the slow walk down the hallway, forcing myself to keep my head up but really wanting to crawl into the fetal position and sob my guts out.  As I came nearer to the mirror I noticed a woman also looking at herself in the mirror, also trying on a dress.  When I was just a couple of feet away this woman saw me in the mirror and her face broke out into the most beautiful, most sincere smile I’ve ever seen.  She turned to me and said,

“You’re beautiful!”

That nearly tipped me over the edge but I managed to smile back at her and say ‘thank you’.  I managed to look at myself in the mirror and not see my perceived flaws.  I saw a beautiful young woman in a dress that flattered her.  So I ended up buying that dress and another one in the same style but a different colour.

What this woman did didn’t even take up a minute of her life but it had such a profound impact on me.  I began to finally confront my body image issues.  I accepted that I will never be 5’10” and 120lbs with a C-cup.  After all those years of hating myself for how I looked, I finally began to accept how I looked and I learned to stop hating myself.

All because a woman took a few seconds out of her day to tell a complete stranger she was beautiful.

 

I can’t emphasize enough that being kind to everyone is so important.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that everyone (and I mean everyone) wears a mask in public so you can’t see their innermost self.  And behind those masks people can hide some pretty major things: depression, suicidal ideas, body image issues, etc.  So be kind to everyone because you never know what they’re going through.  Even the most basic human decency can change a person’s life.

I’m the living, breathing proof of that.